QUEEN
I’m afraid your favorite cousins, the ones in Gorbachez, have all been shot.
A beat.
​
KARL
YES!
​
QUEEN
Karl!
​
KARL
Sorry, sorry mummy, but, it’s just. Max owes me money now.
Max rolls his eyes and groans, and hands him over money with King Jeffries’ face on them.
​
TWO
I thought they were already dead.
​
The servants in the back chuckle.
​
QUEEN
Leave!
​
The servants start to leave.
​
QUEEN
Wait!
​
A beat.
​
QUEEN (cont)
Don't.
​
TWO
They really were the worst, though.
​
VERONICA
Yeah, so, so insensitive.
​
VERONICA’s native beads fall off her neck.
​
VERONICA:
Oh.
​
MAX
I really think James was a vampire, though. So maybe he’s not actually dead.
​
The kids all agree. The queen rings a bell. A nervous lady’s maid comes running out with pills.
​
VALLEY
Whatever happened to that weird uncle of his?
​
TREY
That guy was a legend.
​
The queen takes the pills.
​
QUEEN
They shot him too.
​
KARL
Oh ho, no way. Far out.
​
A Beat.
​
KARL
He’s probably still alive as well. Legends never die.
​
VERONICA
When are we going to talk about these things following us around?
​
TWO
Yeah and who are all these newcomers that just showed up?
The kids all agree. The queen rings a bell and the lady’s maid leaves.
​
QUEEN
Children. You’re not...getting this. This is serious.
VERONICA points to the camera.
​
VERONICA
Cause-
​
QUEEN
This is our camera crew.
​
KARL
What’s a camera?
​
QUEEN
That is why you are all here, right now. I’ve had these sent out for. These are a machine from back East. They capture hundreds and hundreds of moments, and then stich them all together real fast like, so you can replay the moment.
​
There’s silence.
​
QUEEN
It’s magic.
​
ROYAL KIDS TOGETHER
WOWWWWW!
​
QUEEN
They’re going to be following you around from now on.
​
KARL
Everywhere we’re going, these lot are coming all they?
​
QUEEN
Yes. Otherwise you’d be by yourself. And we wouldn’t see it.
​
TREY
I’m okay with that.
​
VERONICA
Of course you are!
​
QUEEN
The reason being, because we find it in our best interest, to collect our best moments to present them to the public.
​
KARL
I have no idea what you just said.
VERONICA plays with her hair.
​
VALATRICE
Just listen to her!
Queen closes her eyes in gratitude and puts a hand on VALATRICE’s leg.
​
QUEEN
There’s something else.
​
KARL
Oh man!
​
QUEEN
The public is not just the villagers, pirates and the newcomers. The public is also...the natives.
​
The kids gasp.
​
VERONICA
But...I thought we were getting rid-
​
QUEEN
Don’t! I need to just get his out.
QUEEN (CONT)
Actually...we’re all going to be friends.
​
She chokes. Everyone is silent.
​
VALLEY
Sweet!
​
QUEEN
In fact, I need you all to go over to Native Island.
​
She pops another pill.
​
QUEEN (CONT)
And invite them over for dinner.
​
VALATRICE faints. The queen rings a bell.
​
QUEEN (CONT)
I know, I know. I’ve had a few of those moments myself.
​
A frightened lady’s maid comes out, sees her, and then leaves the room.
​
VALLEY
Oh VALATRICE, you’re so dramatic. Well I think it’s a great idea.
​
The lady’s maid, butler, and servent come back out and take her out on a stretcher.
​
VERONICA
Are you going to steal their island from them?
​
TWO
We saw you steal that house from the newcomers.
​
VALLEY
Excuse me? You’re dressed head to toe in their ceremonial gear! How offensive can you get?
​
TWO
About as offensive as STEALING SOMEONE’S HOUSE!
​
TREY
Can I play the celebration?
​
QUEEN
Uh...yes. After dark.
​
TREY
With the public?
​
QUEEN
Yes, it’s with...everyone. As I mentioned. It's okay darling, you're getting it, I can just tell.
​
VALLEY
And the natives are coming.
​
QUEEN
YES!
​
KARL
What does all this have to do with the *CENSORED* being shot?
​
QUEEN
KARL!
​
TWO
Mummy thinks we’re going to get shot, too.
​
VERONICA
Well we will if we invite the natives for dinner!
​
Max pretends to be a native, using a bow and arrow.
​
QUEEN
Enough, enough! We won’t be shot if you do your job right.
​
She looks at her pocketwatch.
​
QUEEN
Right, get going. Remember, we need to form a relationship with them.
​
TREY
With the public!
​
QUEEN
Yes, a public (CHOKES) relationship.
A beat.
QUEEN (CONT)
Go.